I agree with E.M Foster's view that personal relations are more important than patriotism. Personal relations are close connections between people, formed by emotional bonds and experiences. The relationship between people is much more sophisticated than patriotism. Especially with people who have maintained the same friends since childhood. People trust others who they have know for a longer period of time more. This is understandable due to the fact that they have more experience with them and know them more. People hug, kiss, and make gestures to each other to show their feelings and emotions to the other person. As you get to know someone, you develop a relationship with them and you become more comfortable around them.
It is important to have personal relations with people so that you aren't lonely and have someone to go to for help. Without personal relations people would be more antisocial and have a harder time becoming a great person. Personal relations develop when you show people that you're there for them and that you genuinely care about them. Patriotism, on the other hand, is one's love for their country or homeland. When someone shows patriotism they are showing other people that they care about their country and that they are grateful for living there. Patriotism is sort of like a relationship with your country. Some examples could be that you're involved in elections, and focus on things that will make your country better. You also look at how you benefit from your country and the things it has accomplished to make it seem better, such as Independence Day. Another example of patriotism is the Pledge of Allegiance. The Pledge of Allegiance is voluntary and is a way to show you love your country. In our class, the Pledge of Allegiance isn't played over the intercom because it is turned off. This was done to allow more time in our class but for some patriotic people it may have offended them.
Being patriotic is not at all bad but I believe personal relations are much more important. Imagine if you didn't have any friends but there were signs of patriotism all around you. Wouldn't you become sad and annoyed by all these patriotic people? Now imagine having plenty of personal relations with the people around you but there being no patriotism. See, it's much better to have relationships with friends and people than to be around patriotism only. Some may argue that patriotism is the most important thing for people to possess, but is it really? I don't really see many people saying and showing that they love their country nowadays. Yes, most of us celebrate the 4th of July to celebrate independence but to me it seems like a way to empower personal relations even more. On the 4th of July my whole family comes together to eat dinner and light up fireworks. We build stronger personal relations with each other by talking and sharing experiences. In a way, patriotism even brings people closer together.
It is obvious that there are personal relations around you everywhere. The way you show that you genuinely care about people can be physical,verbal, or even both. You can hug or kiss someone, you can tell someone you love them, or you can hug them and say you love them. However, Patriotism isn't as popular. You more commonly see signs of Patriotism around the 4th of July, elections and big events. Occasionally you see people who even hang the American flag on their porches. In the end, it is reasonable to assume that people would believe personal relations are much more important than patriotism.
Love how strong you kept through the whole essay and how you kept your opinion on it (4th of July). Also I really liked the examples you'd give in your two middle paragraphs!
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete✔Hook
ReplyDelete✔Thesis
✔Organization
✔Parting Shot
Really liked the third paragraph. I felt that you were trying to make that paragraph into a counterargument. I saw the counterargument in the end of the paragraph but a suggestion is to make the whole thing into a counter argument.
Hey Daniel! ^-^ This is a really nice essay; it's simple, which is a good thing because sometimes people tend to write a whole lot when it's not necessary. The only thing I'd comment on would be some of the mechanics (is that the proper term?); some sentences were a little hard to understand, but other than that, I really like it. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Daniel! ^-^ This is a really nice essay; it's simple, which is a good thing because sometimes people tend to write a whole lot when it's not necessary. The only thing I'd comment on would be some of the mechanics (is that the proper term?); some sentences were a little hard to understand, but other than that, I really like it. Good job!
ReplyDeleteHey Daniel! Excellent essay you have here!! I like how you incorporated a counterargument. However, I would suggest that you make that perhaps its own separate paragraph and not begin it in the middle of a paragraph so that it isn't muddled/hidden. If you make a counterargument you want it to be prominent and I think that would be best done by starting another paragraph. Also, if somehow you can briefly talk about patriotism in your introduction paragraph to tie everything together would be something to improve on. Because you are mentioning personal relationships so well and then your next paragraph is about personal relationships. So it is this like hit in the face with so much about personal relationships. In other words, I would say add a hint of patriotism in your introduction to give the reader a little more insight. I hope this helps and I don't mean to be so critical. These are just my suggestions. :)
ReplyDeleteOh and not to mention (and I do not know how to edit replies if any so here is another comment lol) but I loved how you were straight to the point from the gecko and had a clear thesis.
Delete